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Sister's Inappropriate Sexual Behavior
May 17 , 2005 by Ask AmyDear Amy,
I am so confused and scared about what to do. I am 18 yrs old and a senior in high school. My sister is 17 and a junior. For the past few months my sister has been pining after this boy at our school. This boy is not a nice guy. Even she has said that. I overheard her say on her cell phone yesterday that after prom she had gone to a party and flashed this boy. She even took a picture of her breasts with his cell phone. My sister has also recently been looking at pornographic sites to figure out "how to please a man" and has been reading sex trash. She's even written some of this fantasy stuff. …the first part of it contained a rape scene. The second part was of a guy watching a girl through her window while she was undressing and masterbating (sic)….
I finally decided to tell my mom about this stuff … But, my mom's only reaction to it was that I was being too prudish. She always says that to me whenever I complain about how my sister's butt is not covered by her skirt when she walks through the hallways at school. I think my mom tried to talk to my sister about her behavior later, but I don't think it was very successful because I found my sister looking at these websites again this morning.
My sister's behavior has been odd for a long time. She always fights with my boyfriend and tries to make him look bad in front of my parents. I think she is jealous and is trying to find a boyfriend for herself because she has always tried to compare herself to me. She always compares our bodies and our intelligence. I hate it. And my parents never do anything about her bad behavior. She screams and cusses at our two younger brothers and their friends. She yells and has temper tantrums in front of my parents. She treats me like I'm a piece of dirt, and my parents do nothing. Especially my mom. She always takes my sister's side, even if she is in the wrong.
...My mom does nothing to stop any of this and nothing to help me out. My dad is almost never home when this stuff happens. I've tried talking to my parents about this and I ask them for help, but all they tell me is that she's not my daughter so I shouldn't care about it. But she's my sister, so that means that I should care. Especially when she is hurting me and the ones I love. I'm also staying at my house for my freshman year in college, and I don't want to because of my kooky family situation. I'm feeling emotionally abused by this.
Please help me.
-Hurt in Phoenix
Dear Hurting in Phoenix,
First, I congratulate you for being a loving, caring and compassionate sister and daughter. Retain that quality and you will flourish in spite of the negativity around you.
Your sister has deep emotional wounds, which compel her to act out her pain through verbal and sexual misconduct. She needs professional help to heal her wounds. The question is: How will she receive professional help when she won’t listen to you and her parents are allowing her to continue on a path of self-destruction?
Take the next step and talk to other adults in the family. Do you have an uncle, aunt, grandparent or adult cousin who might be able to convince your parents and/or sister that professional help is needed? If other adult family members aren’t available or unsuccessful, tell other adults who might be in a position to be influential—school principal, clergy, a teacher, friend of the family, doctor, child protective services, show your parents your letter and my response. Do not give up searching for an adult who might be able to convince your parents and/or sister that she needs professional help. I wish you well. And please let me know the outcome.
Amy
