Wedding Gift Giving Etiquette

Dear Amy:  I have been friends with a guy for over ten years. In recent years, we’ve been drifting apart, but we’re still friends. He recently told me he was getting married. I congratulated him and wished him well and hoped to hear more as we got closer to the date.

Then I found out through the grapevine that he had gotten married already in a small ceremony with family and friends. I don’t care that I wasn’t invited, but I didn’t even know it was happening.

So the big question – do I have to buy him a wedding gift?  

Dear Reader:  Giving a gift to the bride and groom need not be contingent on whether you are invited to the wedding. The question you need to answer is: Do I feel compelled from the goodness of my heart to give a gift, whether it is small or large?  If you feel compelled to give a gift, then do so.   

One of the definitions of gift is: “the act, right, or power of giving.”  A gift has no strings attached. Sometimes people give gifts for appreciation, an act of kindness, love or ‘just because.’  When one chooses to give a gift it is at the giver’s behest. The receiver has the right to accept or decline the offer of a gift.   

We have been taught, sadly to say, that gifts have strings attached. We are invited to a wedding, birthday party, etc. giving a gift is required. If one is not invited to the function, then, one is off the hook for gift giving. Gifts are an act of love, kindness or a way to say, ”You are treasured.”  

The decision is yours. Make your decision and have peace of mind with it.  

Amy