Regret, Resent - REGIFT

Each Holiday Season, folks with at least middle-class incomes receive a number of holiday gifts.  While a few may be absolute treasures and several others may be useful and welcomed, there is always a gift or two that seems to serve no earthly purpose.  You think and think and think, and you cannot think of a single use for the gifted item.  Urgh!  What a drag!  What a waste of a gift!  You begin developing RESENT.

Why did Uncle Bob give me this popcorn maker?  I make microwave popcorn twice a year and I never, ever, ever make hot air popcorn.  He doesn’t even know me!  He doesn’t even care.  What a jerk!  Why on earth would Aunt Rosy give me this awful sweatshirt?  I haven’t worn kitties and puppies since I was 12 years old.  Does she realize I’m a 35-year-old lawyer?  She isn’t even thinking!  I’m so mad! - That’s RESENT and it’s ugly.

The other way you can go is to develop REGRET instead.  Oh boy, I got another tin of caramel corn from Grandma.  I guess I didn’t really spend any time with her this year or she would have noticed I have braces and I can’t have caramel corn.  I’ll just keep the caramel corn and suffer silently because it’s really my fault she doesn’t know I have braces.  I’m such an awful granddaughter.  Or - here we go, another pair of knitted mittens from Aunt Georgia.  I guess I’ll put them in the drawer with the last 4 pairs she made me.  It’s too bad that’s all she can do.  I don’t need mittens or wear mittens or even like mittens, but yet, she goes on knitting.  It’s too bad that’s what her life is like.  How sad.  That’s REGRET and it’s sickening.

So, this year, vow to stop ugly RESENT and sickening REGRET before it even starts.

STEP ONE - Accept each gift gratefully.  Take a moment to count yourself lucky that someone thinks enough of you to give you a gift at all, no matter what it is.  Be grateful that you live enough of a life of luxury that there are lots of things you don’t even need.  Be genuinely thankful that someone else chose to spend their time, effort, or money on you, no matter what it was that they gave you.  Be grateful and just enjoy having been given a gift.

STEP TWO - Vow to remedy the situation that resulted in you getting a useless gift.  Let the gift-giver get to know you better in the upcoming year.  Share some of your interests, preferences, hobbies, or your long-term goals.  Let them know what you collect, enjoy, and wish for.  Get to know the giver better, too.  Find out what motivates them to give the gifts they give.  Perhaps they are getting sick of knitting mittens, but they think you like them so much that they cannot stop.  Spend time developing a real relationship that will result in more appropriate gift-giving if the relationship is important to you.  Take responsibility to improve the relationship.

STEP THREE - There is ALWAYS something you can do with EVERY gift.  If you cannot use it yourself, there is always someone who can.  The art of regifting has evolved to be socially acceptable and if you follow the regifting etiquette, it is perfectly okay to pass the gift along to someone else who could use it.

If you find the gift so hideous and repulsive that you can’t even think of someone you dislike enough to give it to, donate it to charity.  Not to say that some poor or homeless person is going to need a singing fish or a pair of Billy Bob teeth, but when you donate those items to charity, they will end up in a thrift store at some time and, believe it or not, someone will buy them.  The money from the sale will go to the charity and you’ve done your civic duty.  Find some use for the gift.

If you accept each gift gratefully, take responsibility to improve the relationship you have with the gift-giver, and you find some use for the gift, you will not develop resent and regret and you will feel great about the gift-giving season.

Marlo Archer, Ph.D.
Down to Earth Enterprises
1250 E. Baseline Rd., Suite 102
Tempe, AZ 85283
(480) 705-5007